How to Achieve True Happiness and Live Life to the Fullest

It’s been said that life is what you make it and our actions determine whether or not we achieve even the simplest goals. That may be true, but how do we know what action to choose?...What makes us choose on action over another?...What action will lead to true happiness?

I like to think of myself as an intuitive person who wisely follows my gut feelings. Unfortunately, I often realize that intuition can get confused with ego and past programming. Acting on that can get you in trouble, but if you follow a few tips you can stay on the right track.

Being Truly Responsible - What Does it Really Mean?

Years ago there was a study conducted at the University of Texas to determine how people perceive responsibility for an action. Although we would all like to think of ourselves as responsible adults, the study showed that we almost always put our own best interests ahead of responsibility. What’s more, by innocently looking out for ourselves, we undermine our quest for true happiness by learning behaviors that prevent us from living life to the fullest.

For Every Action, There is an Unconscious Reaction

We almost always think that our actions come as result of something that led up to it; in other words, we react to stuff as it hits us. Here’s an example:

When we were kids and got into a fight with our siblings we justified hitting our brother or sister because “they started it” and we simply reacted. If we did start the fight, we argued that we were provoked.

If we both got punished, it was our sibling’s fault, not ours. What made matters worse was that we were always hit harder than the hits we doled out in our well-justified defense.

The University of Texas study showed the same pattern with adults. It proved that people believed their own actions (no matter how deplorable) were a reaction to something that came before, while other people’s actions were the cause of events that happened later. (I hit my brother because he hit me; he hit me even harder and then we were punished).

We think we understand why we react the way we do, but we make little or no attempt to understand what the other person is experiencing. We would rather think of their actions as being a cause for later traumatic events to which we bear no responsibility. Responsibility just adds more stress to the situation.

How do you overcome overwhelming responsibilities?

We may put on the mask of anger, frustration, suspicion or some other dramatic persona that protects us and keeps us from solving the problem. It doesn’t have to be a stressful emotion either; we have ingrained reactions to what “should” or “shouldn’t” be that are more passive, such as always being nice, or confused, or victimized, or reclusive. The mask makes us feel good; so much so that it becomes an old friend. Of course the underlying problem doesn’t get any better, but if we keep up our fixation, complaining about some aspect of our job or our troubled relationships, people will feel sorry for us and we’ll feel justified in being right.

How do you deal with negative feelings?

The mask, or fixed way of being stops us from seeing all other possibilities. We may think we are taking steps to overcome our problems, but they are usually ineffective and we revert back to the safely of our smokescreen. It’s not only safe…we get a lot out of it.

You may wonder how a constant complaint becomes beneficial. What’s the payoff?
Take your pick.

1- You remain in the right and make others wrong. Reasserting what “should” or “shouldn’t” be justifies any injustice to which you have been subjected.

2- You win not by solving the root problem, but by making someone else the loser in some way.

3- You win by being dominating or by avoiding domination.

4- A fixed behavior is a comfortable, defensive tool. Change is scary.

5- You protect your self image, which you admire.

The whole scenario is really just a waste of energy. What’s more, others can probably see through you anyway, diminishing your effectiveness and deflecting the possibilities for true happiness.

So how can you achieve true happiness when you’re busy working at being right, making someone wrong, or justifying yourself?

The cycle will continue until you realize you have a choice to act differently. You may have to step into terrifying territory and you may need professional help to do so, but it’s a key to saving your sanity and dissolving everything blocking your path to true happiness.

You can begin by identifying your mask. Then give up complaining. Listen to your own words and stop yourself when you hear a familiar gripe. Just "let it be".

When Paul McCartney was asked about the lyrics to the Beatles’ song, "Let it be" and what it meant, he said it doesn’t mean to just relax about our problems and accept bad things. It means "let it happen"—don’t try to control the situation by playing the aggressor or the martyr. Let some happier and more peaceful world, become a reality.

After you relax and let it be, you can then allow new and creative avenues of support take you beyond your problematic comfort zone.

Ask for the support of family, friends or counselors; people you don’t usually rely on for consolation. You don’t have to admit to them that you’re “wrong” -- just that you want to explore new possibilities for moving beyond your present situation. You may find it uncomfortable yet strangely liberating and that’s good. The road may be new and mysterious, but you’ll soon arrive at a place of freedom and possibility.

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