The Power of Being Nice
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One of the most genuine and vital compliments I have ever received was being called a truly “nice “individual. I did not think it vital at the time, “nice” being a rather disempowering description of my business persona. Although I was a highly responsible national television producer and senior executive who enjoyed an accomplished career, mastering the art of being “nice” was not something I would have added to my resume.
There has always been an agreement among professionals that “nice” female executives are well-liked, but they are weak and unproductive. Disagreeable bitches, on the other hand, are recognized as being better leaders. I was pleased to discover that new studies now point to notions I have long entertained; namely that "nice" executive are, in fact, very powerful.
It's Not Easy Being Nice
Birute Regine, Ed.D. reported in the Huffington Post that the skills of the nice female executive are actually the opposite of being ineffective and soft. Getting the job done and remaining agreeable, may look easy but it requires a tremendous amount of skill. According to Ms. Regine,
”Aren't we being "nice" when we listen deeply? Aren't we being nice when we are inclusive? Aren't we being nice when we are being empathic? Aren't we being nice when we are utilizing our relational intelligence? Aren't these feminine skills effective in leadership? Research on the generation of collective intelligence suggests that the answer is, Yes they are!”
Ms. Regine cites a recent examination of studies performed by social scientists, Christopher Chabris at MIT's Center for Collective Intelligence, and Anita Williams Woolley at Carnegie Mellon University. Their series of tests, measuring Collective Intelligence demonstrated how smart a group is, as a whole.
The results of the study came as a complete surprise to the researchers. They expected to find that the collective intelligence of a group is not tied to either the smartest person on the team nor to the average intelligence of all the members on the team. What they discovered was that the collective intelligence was tied to a “superior social sensitivity in reading non-verbal cues and other people's emotions, and a fairness in turn-taking.” They call it “relational intelligence”.
I call it feminine intuition and the ability to subtly wield the power of persuasion.
Interestingly enough, the test groups that had the highest relational intelligence were made up of at least 50% women. Rather than being ineffective, the group’s sensitivity to emotional nuances proved highly effective in achieving a more powerful “intelligence” or group performance.
"Evidence for Collective Intelligence Factor in the Performance of Human Groups", was
Originally published in Science Magazine Express on October 2010:
vol. 330 no. 6004 pp. 686-688.
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Although I have often exclaimed, (usually after a extremely trying episode), that I am “running out of nice”, I never find myself descending to bitchiness or ugly behavior. I have never felt disempowered by my feminine skills and neither should any executive. I would go so far as to suggest that male executives learn to cultivate their feminine side. Call it a transcendent level of persuasiveness , but the facts are emerging; powerful skills such as sincere empathy, connective understanding, intuitive understanding, profound listening and consensus building are the new skills to successful leadership, collective intelligence and success.
Young highly effective female executives who are also nice, may think about adding all of the skills noted above to their resumes.
© Copyright Green Lotus, 2011. All rights reserved.
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This was a great hub. I've always said that it takes so much more energy to lead while being "nice." It takes so much more intelligence and even strategic thinking than being bitchy, which I've always regarded as an abuse of power and usually an abuse of people, anyway. Well written. Thanks for sharing it with us.
I agree with you that being nice will get more teamwork and more productivity out of your employees. The problem is when the managers buy into the stereotypes and do not understand that being nice is a good thing, and gives the promotions to the others.
I completely agree with everything you've said here. I've found that I work better with or for those who are kinder and more considerate than any bitchy person. However, sometimes being too nice makes it harder to work more effectively for someone if you think you can get away with it. I've never run into that myself but I've seen it quite a few times.
I am glad to see that new studies show that being "nice" can have positive value for executives and those in the work place. For too long, this trait has been viewed as weakness, especially when it was a female who was being nice.
My personal belief has always been that all executives, even CEO's can be nice and still effective. To me, being nice is simply treating others with respect. It equates to valuing the unique contributions of others.
The best managers and supervisors that I ever worked with were also the nicest ones. They set the tone for the whole unit or organization, earned everyone's respect and brought out the best in their workers, especially in tough times.
Thanks for backing this article up with the latest research. Executives of both sexes need to know that being nice can also be empowering for themselves and for their co-workers.
Voted up, useful, awesome and interesting.
So, nice girls can finish first at last. Yay! Good news for me as I've raised three very nice daughters who have grown into very nice women. Honestly, it's not always pretty going through life being nice but if I had to do it over, I'd raise them the same way. Nice trumps nasty, maybe not always in business, but definitely in life. Interesting hub.
greatparenting - You did well raising your girls to be nice. In today's market it goes a lot further than it ever did! Thanks for being the first to comment and so nice to meet you :)
Happyboomernurse - Knowing a bit about your own profession, I have to say that the most effectual nurses are also "nice". How could it be otherwise :)...and yes they do bring out the best in others. Thanks for the kudos and for commenting here.
LisaKoski - Interesting observation!.." being too nice makes it harder to work more effectively for someone if you think you can get away with it." I think I get it. As a "nice" executive I sometimes doubted my own effectiveness and often felt slighted by those who could not equate "nice" with "intelligence". Deep down I, and many others of greater importance, realized the strengths of my agreeable nature.
Millionaire Tips - Ha! Unfortunately this is true and macho managers rarely read these type of articles...neither do politicians or campaign managers.
Cyndi10 - The word is spreading! Here's to the future of nice female (and male) executives!
wmhseo- Great wisdom in those words! Thanks for the visit :)
Being what you called 'disagreeable bitches' doesn't work anymore. It's being nice that managers and supervisors are expected to be to be in order to increase productivity among staff. Being "nice' is what is expected of a team leader to take that project or business forward. With being nice, as Regine said, you won't be able to listen, include others or be empathetic to your team members. Being nice is essential to survival an success.
"...powerful skills such as sincere empathy, connective understanding, intuitive understanding, profound listening and consensus building are the new skills to successful leadership, collective intelligence and success."
Absolutely. I have never bought into the notion that "disagreeable bitches" are better leaders and get things done. It's a matter of relating to the team in a positive and effective manner, such as you have described in your article.
Hilary - You nailed the qualities that leaders, male or female, need to be successful in today's world. As you pointed out, nice does not mean to be subservient or ineffective. Au contraire, it means to be perceptive, empathic, understanding, and a believer in two-way communication. Thank you for summing it up so well, m'dear. Voted up, of course.
I believe in this my self and do like to think i am a nice boss who uses persuasion and suggestion as tools to manage rather than shouting and unpleasantness.
the only pitfall with being nice is when you come up against someone who is an absolute SOB and wants to bulldoze through using unpleasantness as a tool- it is then that one needs to get ones fangs out and snipe back.NICE unless YOU cross the limits is the message that I send across.I wonder if i am right.
Cardisa - Great to see you and thanks for contributing here. I'm a strong proponent of being a "nice" leader or executive but there are still plenty of people who believe nice people finish last, or will never make it to the top. Unfortunately most politicians and campaign managers still operate from that perspective.
Genna - Thanks for commenting. We can only hope the message gets out there...or that companies will begin hiring and promotion women and men with those skills!
neeleshkulkarni - Great to see you again and I love your comment because one of the most difficult things for a "nice" exec to do is to deal with those SOB's who are out to get you. Diffusing the SOB is a Hub in itself but it involves the art of curbing your own ego, listening, relating and learning to be pleasantly unpleasant. In all instances, never lose your cool. Namaste!
drbj- Your agreement holds a lot of importance to me. You know I'm one of your most ardent fans but I'm also certain you have first hand experience in being a nice power person. Much thanks.
I can definitely see how being nice is much more intelligent than being a tough bitch. Being nice is knowing what is best for you in the short and long run. Great Hub! Voted Up!
Claudia - Thanks for contributing here. You're right! What's best for the whole group is also best for the individual. Thanks for the vote.
Hi, as the one person who was always called nice at work this is great to know, the one thing I did notice was even if I was in a bad mood for some reason, once I walked into the office, everbody expected me to be nice, and acted towards me accordingly, so even if I wasn't being particularly nice that day, they still thought I was! power of suggestion I suppose! lol!
Being nice wins you almost anything you need (and sometimes want). When I was working as a triage nurse and head department during my clinic practice, the only key to establish good relations with my subordinates and the demanding and 'toxic' doctors is to become a good listener, a little persuasive, and enthusiastic... Being nice does wonders. I think everyone has to try becoming one.
And I so agree with you. It's very hard to become one. But it feels good. :D
Nell - Aha! The power of suggestion (or repetition) does work wonders. I think if people know you and you're having a bad day, they automatically excuse you. Thank for the visit!
Being nice in response to someone being nasty can completely disarm them, especially accompanied with calm. Nice to see this hub working its way to my Facebook page.
thesingernurse - I think your profession demands being nice; after all, your job is to make people feel better so you get a lot of practice. Of course, you still have to deal with your colleagues- nice or otherwise, but at least you get to cultivate the art. Cheers.
The Blagsmith- Disarming someone with an intimidating or aggressive nature with a calm attitude can be the best way to deal with them...as long as you don't seem too smarmy or belittling. Gentle listening with a nod of the head can work wonders in diffusing a hothead. (although they will feel like a spoiled child who didn't get dessert!). People too often think they can "win" an argument with stronger words, but that just fuels the fire. Thanks for the visit and I'm thrilled it's getting some Facebook press! Cheers.
I had a big smile thinking about putting 'nice' in our resumes! But what you say is true, there is indeed power in being nice! I couldn't agree more! :)
ripplemaker- Great to see you and I'm not surprised you are in agreement! I do think it would be effective to add all those powerful qualities associated with being "nice" to your resume..or have your former boss add them to a letter of recommendation. Cheers!
Nice article. I am in agreement with neeleshkulkarni.
sau-chakra- I agree with both of you! Thanks for the visit.
What an interesting and incredibly accurate hub GL, being nice can do some powerful and amazing things and no, it is not easy! We all have a breaking point! Thank you for sharing this great information.
Voted up and useful!
Chatkath - So nice to see you. Thanks and a belated happy new year! Being nice is indeed an art form in its own right :)
I loved reading your hub, Green Lotus. I think we are on the same track of thinking! Last August I wrote a blog entry on mnn.com called "Just Be Nice - A Challenge to MNN Readers". The blog takes a green twist to being nice. Voted up, awesome, beautiful, and most of all useful!
Farmer Brown - I must check out your article. Anything with a "green twist" is ok by me! Thanks for the kind words.
I do prefer dealing with nice people, and try to be nice to others in turn. Voting this Up and Interesting.
alocsin - How nice of you! I had a feeling you were one of those nice people :) Much thanks!
Success comes from caring and treating people kindly first. True success is what we carry in our heart, not in our wallet. Amen Hillary. Love to you~
kellieevolve - I like your comment! Thanks for the visit.
You may try to be good and nice with everybody. But at the same time you should be able to say "NO" , when it is required.
At times the balancing becomes difficult.
Your hub is informative.
Thanks for SHARING:)
Green Lotus, the topic of your Hub was very relevant to me. I had similar personal experience at work, where there was this initial bias that my soft and nice ways would not get things done. But I persisted in my collaborative management technique, and soon was able to win the boss's confidence so far that I had a free reign in major operational decisions. And yes, men can take cues and nurture their 'feminine instincts'. Sad to say, the corporates have still to learn that 'spare the rod and spoil the employee' is not true. Informative Hub and nicely written. Thanks for sharing. Voted up.
thumbi7 - Great to see you here and thanks for sharing your thoughts :) I think it takes talent to say "no" while remaining nice (or should I say "fair" and "enrolling"?)
sen.sush23 - Thanks for becoming a follower and for relaying your inspiring personal story. Persistence is the key and your were fortunate to have a boss who recognized your talent. Too many are set in their ideas of how management should behave. Too many "shoulds" create too many walls.
This is highly relevant and topical. I recently did a workshop with aspiring medics on empathy and sensitivity and how being nice is not just a desirable but an essential trait. As you rightly say it is not hard being nice... but one can make life hard for oneself and others by not being so. superior social sensitivity and reading non-verbals is something I feel people forget to do and often results in failed message transaction.
Highly insightful hub. ( and as one nice person to another) voted up!
Docmo-thanks for the vote up and for posting one of the nicest comments! A pleasure to meet you here.
Hi Green Lotus,
I have always believed in the old saying "You get more with honey than you do with vinegar"
I enjoyed and will share your article because I think too few people truly understand the power nice people hold.
Jlave73- I believe in that old saying too :) It reminds me of an elementary teacher I had who had the expression "flattery will get you everywhere"! Much thanks for sharing this Hub.
wmhseo 4 months ago
One of the best way to deal to other people is to be NICE.