How to Overcome Overwhelming Responsibilities

Sometimes life throws us a curve ball and we find ourselves unwittingly facing more responsibility than we would care to manage. It may be a family responsibility, it may be work related, it may be health related, but whatever form the terrible task takes, it hits us with hurricane force and threatens to throw us off our comfortable path.

I’ve been thrown off that comfortable path a few times in this lifetime and because I’ve recovered relatively successfully, I thought I’d share some of my methods of accomplishment.

Face it; you can’t always save the world. You can certainly try, but the key is not to do it at your own expense or at the expense of others. So, skip the savior syndrome. I’ve discovered that if you get stressed-out helping others, no one wins.

Take On the Most Urgent Issues First

Don't let the enormity of it all get you flustered. Just look at it and let go of any fear. Begin at the beginning, dealing with most urgent and leave the less pressing problems for later. Better still, delegate tasks to others, even if it’s temporary. Remember, you are not superhuman although others may think you are.

If you’re dealing with a difficult person, express your willingness to help, but demand co-operation and put a reserve on the problem. Don’t give yourself unreasonable deadlines or over-commit. If possible, give yourself an “out point” so the other person’s problems don’t take over your life. Sometimes seemingly plausible solutions to problems dig a bigger hole from which you cannot escape. Don't think it's impossible to enroll professional help or caregivers if it becomes necessary. Remember, there are always social agencies who can help you or help those who’s need help.

Study the Consequences – It’s good to ask yourself some tough questions. To be really effective you need to answer them honestly and without guilt.

Ask yourself:
-Is what I am doing worth it? What will it accomplish?

- Does the problem need to be resolved right now, or can I stretch out the tasks over a longer period? Am I the one imposing the deadlines? If so, is it creating additional unnecessary stress?

- What will really happen if I do very little, or nothing at all?

• Will others naturally step in to assist?
  
• Will the person or persons I am helping actually learn to fend for themselves?
  
• Have those people to whom I feel responsible accepted a prior risk?
  
• Have they brought a problem upon themselves?
  
• Do they really deserve my help?
  
• Do I really owe it to them?
  
• If I do less, or nothing at all, how will that make me feel?
  
• Will I feel responsible, perhaps guilty? If your answers point to having feelings of guilt, there are ways of overcoming it, but that’s another discussion.

You may have heard it before, but there is great wisdom in listening to your body. If something feels right – if it doesn’t give you a stomach or headache- go for it. Some of your tasks may be energizing, others may deplete your energy. Be selective; your body is a clever mechanism for determining the right path of action and your gut, (or intuition) can be your best guide. If this works for you, remember not to over-think things, which of course can conflict with the whole “gut feeling” theory.

When a task becomes overwhelming, experts advise writing out the steps needed to achieve your goal…then taking baby steps in that direction. I can’t deny that this is excellent advice; however, when you are truly inundated with a task or tasks that require a lot of legwork and a lot of thinking, your head may start to feel like it’s going to explode. Even writing out baby steps can leave you utterly fried. Everyday responsibilities fall by the wayside. Things you used to do for yourself, for your business, even for others get sidetracked. Sometimes overwhelming responsibility not only becomes difficult and stressful, it becomes impossible.

The best solution may be to enroll someone to help you; either a professional, a family member or a friend. Don’t be so proud (or so stubborn) that you neglect to get help. Who knows, maybe people are anxious to have you relinquish responsibilities, especially if they recognize that you’re overwhelmed and not functioning at peak performance. Don’t be afraid to listen when others try to help you.

You can also seek help by reading articles or books on coping with too much responsibility. True, that’s actually giving yourself more work, but if you get lucky, you’ll read something that hits home and suddenly your overwhelming responsibility will become less overwhelming.

Step back from your responsibilities for a few hours. Watch a movie, read a book, write a Hub, go dancing. Do something that doesn’t allow you to talk about your problems and responsibilities.

Take Meditative Breaks. When your mind is racing and you can’t stop thinking about whatever is overwhelming you, give it a rest. That’s easy to say and not always easy to do, but there are some effective, non-medicinal ways to succeed at it.

Meditation can help. Contrary to popular belief, to achieve many of the benefits of meditation, you don’t have to put yourself into a trance. All you have to “do” is to give up “doing” for a while. Sitting quietly, just listening to your breath or to relaxing music without intending to sleep can do wonders. It can calm that monkey-mind and give you a mental breather. You may even find that after several meditative sessions an answer to a difficult problem emerges. Meditation techniques vary and they can include the repetition of mantras or positive words. Creative Visualization can also be very calming and extremely effective in helping you with your overwhelming thoughts and responsibilities. If you can’t get your mind to focus long enough on a relaxing meditative session, put on a CD where a professional guides you through the session. A few wonderful CDs are listed here.

Stop Thinking/Get Moving - Taking a long simple walk, doing some physical exercises, practicing Yoga or getting a massage are all excellent ways to help reduce the stress of the situation.

Give Up Being a Martyr- (not to be confused with being a savior). Martyrs are willing to sacrifice themselves for a cause. They don’t care what happens to them as long as their loved ones are saved or as long as they can perpetuate what they believe to be right and true. Martyrs may achieve recognition and praise and a few have become famous, but none have walked away unscathed. That’s why they're Martyrs. They totally accepted the payoff.

Speaking of “payoffs”....Take a look at yourself and decide why you have taken on too much responsibility. It’s true, most people will say they didn’t see it coming; others will say “crap happens”, or it was unavoidable, but in truth, we are all responsible for where we are in life and in accepting overwhelming responsibility we must also realize that we do it because there's a payoff. The payoff may be self-justification, avoidance of guilt, or preservation of the status quo (good or bad). Just ask yourself, “Is all this work worth the payoff?” If it isn’t, you’ll have to get over being “right”, get rid of the guilt and be open to change.

Remember, a responsibility is defined as an obligation, but what isn’t included in the standard definition is that responsibility has many attributes. Some are obligatory as in one’s responsibility to pay taxes. Others are moral and social responsibilities such as caring for a child or an aging parent. Other responsibilities are self-imposed such as caring for a child who is no longer a child or feeling responsible for matters beyond your control.

We all bear the burden of responsibility in some form, but to live life to it’s fullest, it’s good practice not to let self-imposed responsibilities get in the way of your obligatory, moral and social responsibilities and not to let moral and social responsibilities destroy your own happiness. By distinguishing those categories of responsibility and by making judicious choices, we can lead happier, healthier more productive lives while still being able to give unselfishly of ourselves.

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