How Not to Boil Water
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If you decided to read this article I can assume you either have a sense of humor or you are fastidious cook compelled by the notion, (or appalled by the absurd perception) that there is an incorrect way to boil water. In any case, thanks for checking it out.
I happen to be a fine cook, but I have been know to “burn the water” and subsequently the pot when distracted by an exciting read, my own vigorous literary efforts, or by one of life’s other adventures or absurdities. Many more times than I care to recall, I returned to a kitchen suffering from the indignities of poorly boiled water, or to my horror, the explosion of some other colorful and no longer tasty fluid.
I admit this particular literary effort is a bit more about pondering the absurdities of life than it is about kitchen catastrophes, but since I'm often compelled to expound wildly on worldly eccentricities you'll have to forgive the subtle deception. Sometimes I get in a mood where the world of the absurd is preferable to the real one, or at least the world we perceive as being real.
Real Life, Water and The Theater of the Absurd
In 1950, Eugene Ionesco wrote a delightful play called “The Bald Soprano”. It had practically nothing to do with a bald soprano; in fact, all the dialogue was quite nonsensical. Still, it went on to become a great success, as did Ionesco and his Theater of the Absurd, which satirized the meaninglessness of bourgeois society and the idiocy of social formalities.
I’m all for embracing the nonsensical and for the dismissal of realism, - two concepts that qualify an author’s play as being truly Absurd. Broad comedy and clever wordplay also fit into the bill as they encourage the audience to laugh at the human predicament which, as we all know, regularly throws us a curve ball of illogical, irrational and unexpected circumstance - much like the realization that you cannot even boil water.
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Remember Life is Just a Bowl of Water
Whether you are water challenged or not, it’s nice to know that one can still look at the whole process and laugh at the bubbles for no apparent reason. As a kid, I used to laugh at the full moon. I still don’t know why I found it amusing, but perhaps it will come to me one day in an epiphany. Until then, I’ll just make a concerted effort not to put too much meaning into the absurd fact that I can cook a brilliant 5 course dinner, yet sometimes have trouble boiling water.
Just so this Hub doesn’t get flagged for misleading content, here are a few ways not to boil water.
1- Don’t fill the pot to the brim with water, especially if you plan on adding food as well. If you can’t figure out why that's not smart, ask Archimedes.
2- Don’t turn the burner on high heat unless you want the water to boil quickly. If that's the case, I do not recommend leaving the kitchen.
3- On that note...Don’t cover the pot unless you want the water to come to a fast boil. Beware, when it reaches the boiling point the lid won't "hold down" the water pressure. This is a common misconception - believe me.
4- Don’t keep looking at the water. Contrary to old wives' tales, it will still get to the boiling point. So will your face, so please remember that boiling or nearly boiling water vapor is HOT.
5- Don’t think that adding salt to the water will make it boil any faster. Your grandmother was wrong.
6 - Don’t write a Hub while you are boiling water or anything else for that matter, unless you want to clean up the stove, the walls and the burnt pot.
Now that you know what NOT to do….here’s a video on the socially acceptable, good housekeeping approved method of boiling water, just in case you think you need it or wish to pass it along to a friend.
© Copyright Green Lotus, 2011. All rights reserved.
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OMG Green you couldn't have come up with a more timely hub thus How not to Boil Water:0) I can't begin to tell you how many pots I have tossed due to my absentee behavior.
Oh yes to many times I have been caught up in my den/office on my laptop or watching t.v. to forget about the pot of water I put on to boil and VOILA the smell of burnt offerings and the smoke signals sending off my in house smoke detector. YIKES..
I was just saying the other day to my partner, they need to invent some type of pot that would give a warning or shout out to us absent minded writers, who get so enveloped in their writings that they forget what's boiling away in their kitchens.
I now will certainly make sure of two very important ideas I got from this hub. 1. DON'T TURN THE ELEMENT ON HIGH and 2. KEEP THE WATER LEVEL DOWN SO IT DOESN'T OVERFLOW ALL OVER THE ELEMENT.
Wonderful hub and like I said very timely. Okay now I can go back to writing. Peace and hugs.
Ha! Very good of you to help out the many domestically challenged readers, with good humour (or humor, if you like).
Thankfully, I'm not among those poor souls.
I find it best to only use a little more water in the pot than you need (taking subesquent food absorbtion and evaporation into account).
Another method is to use a kettle with an automatic shut-off. Depending on your stove's efficiency, the kettle method might be a bit faster. If you neglect the kettle, you can always re-boil.
Thanks for the clever amusement.
@saddlerider, they do make a warning system for boiling water. It is called a kettle whistle. I am sure you have heard it. It is the annoying, high pitched sound that finally quits about 2 minutes before the smoke detectors go off.
Unfortunately, my kettles whistle melted off, about the third time I ran the pot dry. At least my smoke alarms still work! Great hub, Green Lotus. I think there are many times in life, when we get distracted and forget which way we are going, which always leaves feeling a little dry, or even burnt. I am glad for new beginnings.
GL, you didn't mention this:
For tea, use cold water and bring the water to a full boil. Remove the teakettle from the heat as soon as the water begins to boil. Boiling all the oxygen out of the water will flatten the tea's flavor.
Hello Green Lotus,
To understand and appreciate Ionesco’s work about the absurdity of life, you may have a Romanian heritage, whether you know it or not; the absurd is part of the Romanian mental condition and daily psychodrama. I Should know, right?
Aside from that, your hub is terrific and I very much enjoy it – the title is priceless – and the idea that someone may have problems with boiling water while being a great cook and able to make a five course meal is “absurd”.
Now you tell me - don't fill the pot with water to the brim. Where were you all the times I did just that?
And a watched pot never boils. I knew that, because I always watch to see if they do. And while I'm watching, they don't.
Seems we both may have been on an absurd flight of fancy recently. You with this delicious piece and me with a more pedestrian effort concerning Fokk University. You will have to read the hub to understand. Thanks for the fun, Hillary.
Hehe, GL. You forgot to mention that adding sugar (for coffee or tea) will make water to boil much faster.
Thanks for reminding me on Ionesco - I loved to read him very much.
I enjoyed your article and sense of humor, thank you.
I love this! Glad to know there are others who can be great cooks yet who also manage to burn water. And equally glad that they too see the humor. I will continue to blame it on the stove then shrug in resignation. Thanks for this post.
GL, very enjoyable read as usual. I was curious? Went over to Bon Appetit and searched "how to boil water" and to my amazement, they have an instructional video...Go figure?&%#@!
I guess your right. :) Thanks, Ciao!
winsome- Thank you for being my first Hub student. There's no greater compliment than being told you have empowered someone, especially one who admires Mr. Martin as much as I do. Navan rules.
saddlerider- wow...glad I'm not the only one!! Now I'll think of you every time I clean up boiled over stewed cherries. ( a delightful dessert with whipped cream)
timorous you are so welcome. Alas, I have tried the electric kettle and have burnt that up too. I do; however have more success with an electric waterboiler with the auto shut off as you mentioned although if you turn it on and forget to add the water, it self-destructs. Yes I've managed that feat too. Talk about funny.
ivorwen- sound advice! I do think smoke detectors need testing in whatever way deems necessary and it's good to know we water burners do our part. Here's to loads of new beginnings.
alek- Thank for the sage advice. I have served my husband what he calles "scalded" tea and it really does taste awful.
Hi Petra - So good to see you again and I'm glad you too are an Ionesco fan. I have a Hungarian heritage, so maybe that counts! Cheers from one absurdist to another. ;)
drbj- I will most assuredly check out your hub which sounds daft enough for me! We must be on the same ride this week. Have a wild one.
Tatjana - Aha..another Eugene Ionesco fan. There is much humor in the absurd as in life. Sugar makes water boil faster? Ok I'll try that one. How about Splenda?
Erin - Nice to meet you and thanks for the kind words. Goodness how did you find my article so fast? Anyway, nice to know there are other great cooks who get "distracted".
Jai- Hi there! I bet you never burn the water! Am I right? I was amazed myself when I found the instructional video on "how to boil water", but you know what they say, "if you can think it, it's on the internet". Ciao mate!
Good information. I learn something new here. I am glad to follow your tips. There's several case which happen in my country related with the child who get injury because of boiling water. We have be careful with this. Thank you very much. ~prasetio
GL,
This Hub, and everyone's reaction to it is cracking me up! I can honestly say I have never given much thought to boiling water...I just go ahead and do it! I have boiled over veggies on occasion, I have put too much in the kettle and had a spill, I have boiled a pot dry due to distraction, and I've probably boiled an ocean's worth of water. Never once thought about writing about it. I'm a naval architect as well so I appreciate the 'Archimedes' reference. Show's you've done your research or at least paid attention in class!
Keep it up.
While I have never burnt a pot of water, GL, I have experienced the joy of exploding doughnuts. I deep fried lovely balls of dough forgetting to add the holes. What a culinary disaster.
Thanks for the informative video!
GL - that's wonderful. Correctly boiling water may even be a lost art! hehe. Actually with the advent of alternate appliances, there are even almost foolproof ones for boiling water. I have one by Cuisinart. I can recommend it to all hubbers or others who are regularly distracted from the kitchen activities and forget to turn off the pot on the stove. This wonderful gadget has a wireless pot which heats on a little pad plugged into the wall. The pot switches on with a little tab at the bottom which switches off automatically when the water reaches a full boil. One precaution. Don't let anyone unfamiliar with it near it. When my darling George's memory was failing, he could never remember how it worked (or to refer to my written instructions on the inside of the cabinet door) & so decided to set the pot on the stove burner to heat. The bottom of it is black plastic, so you can imagine.... The smell was horrid! I had to replace the appliance and hide the thing out of his sight.
My goofup is starting eggs to boil on the stove and getting wrapped up on the computer till I begin to hear those horrid explosions. NOT a good thing. Nope. Burnt boiled eggs and the pot they burned in are not pleasant either!
Speaking of boiling eggs - while visiting with some of George's family over this holiday, his 33 year old granddaughter asked me how to boil eggs. She loves those finely cut-up eggs served on salads or offered at salad bars but had no idea how they were cooked or cut up! Yikes. (She's single, by the way) LOL.
The hairs on my arms and on the back of my head are stanidng up. I feel educted! I can now join the ranks of the knowledgable and hold my head up high. I can proudly shout across the valley: "I know how NOT to boil water!".
How can I ever thank you for this? You are my Sansei! (is that how you spell it?)
I have to admit I have burnt more than one pot whilst being otherwise distracted! It was when the kids were young and I was taken away from my kitchen task by one of their disasters. That's right, I blame the kids for my failure to be able to boil water correctly!
Like you, Green Lotus, I am a good cook so now the kids are older, my pots are safe. Very funny read, thanks.
Aww what a great hub..reminds me of an incident years ago when I was boiling my sons bottles to sanitize them and yea I burned them...not a pretty smell lol. Thanks for this informative hub. Cheers.
prasetio- Hi there. Thank YOU for reminding us all how important it is to keep kids away from a pot of boiling water. Those accidents are terrible!
WE5- It was actually my Dad who was a huge fan of Archimede and his big "eureka" moment. Glad to give you a chuckle too:)
lorie6 - Exploding doughnuts. ...what a great and terrible visual!! You made me laugh :)))) You should see my exploding cherries.
Nellie - LOL I have done the stinky burnt boiled egg thing too! And I do believe it was from writing a hub about meditation. Talk about being in the wrong zone !! Thanks for your clever comments!
De Greek - You are so welcome...anytime. Cheers!
mpg- Here's to great cooks everywhere who are also dedicated and self-absorbed writers!!
ladyjane- Hi there. Do mom's still boil baby bottles? I never had the pleasure; I don't have kids, but if I did I'm sure there would have been some similar disasters :(
Haha - what an enjoyable - and informative - hub! Loved it - and thanks for the detailed instructions and dos and don'ts. By the way - that giggling at the full moon thing - that's exactly why loony was derived from luna :D Great hub!
This is hilariously absurd. Your way with words works well no matter what the material is. I especially like that you felt compelled to actually instruct your readers on boiling water. Who would know these factoids? My own experience with burning water is always due to distractions or forgetfulness. Fortunately, pots are easy to come by. Thanks for the chuckle.
shalini- You're welcome! Hee Hee just call me luny lotus :)
embee- You are so kind to compliment me and I too have gone through a score of pots, some quite expensive :(
Nice hub, pretty funny :)
thanks nawny, glad you had a laugh!
Hi, lol I see Audrey (AKirchner) is conspicuous by her absense! ha ha and well, my mother! it seems that they both had an accident with the pot boiling dry! in my mothers case, she nearly gave the poor boy upstairs sitting on my brothers floor at the time, years ago, a heart attack because she let the pot boil dry and the tin of pudding, exploded and shot up and hit the ceiling with a great big thud! and he though he had been shot! same thing, different person, hence Audrey! lol very funny, cheers nell
Nell. Very good!! I never met a pot burner I didn't like. I'm beginning to think everyone has a dirty pot story hidden away :) Yours made me laugh out loud. What a great visual. thanks!
lots of chuckles while reading this one and the comments! in a previous lifetime, my husband really didn't know how to boil water. when you think about it, it truly is absurd. how can we not know how to boil water.. but we all have our stories of whitened pot bottoms or beans scorched onto the bottom of a pot which lost all of the boiling water to evaporation while we're hubbing through hubville.
ha. loved this. and I love these moments of insight that inspire these kinds of hubs. :] oh, how funny. one of the google ads underneath this box is for burnt pots and pans!!
rebekah - So nice to see you and glad you had a laugh:) Although I am a terrible pot watcher I am a true absurdist. I'm so glad you got it. OOHHH burnt pots and pans! I must get some of those!!
I am reminded of Einstein who supposedly was unable to tie his own shoelaces. It is very easy in this world of go, go, go and fast paced thinking to once in a while learn "how not to boil water". I am usually pretty level headed about such elemental cooking practices. However, I have had a few thin pots in my time that were simply not cut out for boiling water. These had to be replaced or I would have suffered from a very bad tasting life indeed. Thankfully, my appetizers have been pretty good, my main course could have been better but I wouldn't do it any different. Now I am really looking forward to that dessert. Thanks again sweetie for another great one.
Gaz
You are most welcome Gaz! I think brilliant minds are often distracted by other brilliant thoughts, resulting in many a burnt offering :)
Great info!! I always new there was right way of boiling water..I have patience issues lol..so I always put it high.. But I learn something new everyday surly..Thanks much
Heart Felt- I guess there's a right way, a wrong way and a creative way to do everything, including boiling water!
Winsome Level 6 Commenter 21 months ago
I am so glad I get to be the first person to comment on this very educational hub. I have never had the process of boiling water explained to me in such detail. I feel empowered and slightly smug in my new found skill and I can't wait to go out and introduce others to this fine culinary art. As Steve Martin said in The Jerk, "If this is out there, what else is out there?" =:)