Halloween Costume Ideas for Reluctant, Uninspired Party Goers

If you think that the biggest horror associated with Halloween is having to come up with a clever costume for a party you must attend, you’re not alone. Making a homemade costume requires ingenuity and skill. Buying or renting a costume is easier, but it can be fearfully expensive. Maybe you’re simply weary of Halloween parties and would rather do as little as possible.

Take heart. There are ways to get around the whole thing without stooping to the lame option of going to the party as “yourself”. You may not win first prize, but at least you’ll present yourself as having made an honorable effort to participate in the holiday festivities.

First, forget all those “cheap and easy” costumes that require you to make something out of a cardboard box. Believe me, it's really not that simple to paint the facsimile of a slot machine on all four sides of a dirty carton. And hey, do you really want to spend the entire party standing up? Can you hold your bladder for five hours?

Go for the “Good Partner” Costume. Let your spouse or significant other wear the elaborate costume while you go as a mere accessory or victim.

For example, if your partner is going as Spiderman, go as Kirsten Dundst. All you need is a plain skirt and blouse, a henna rinse and a set of crooked teeth. (sorry Kirsten).

If your wife is going as a decked out vampire, you can be her victim. Just wear your most comfortable clothes and paint two teeth marks on your neck.

If your husband has rented a terrifying King Kong suit, go as Fay Wray. Wear a slinky vintage-style nightgown and red lipstick. Wave your hair 30’s style and pluck your eyebrows pencil thin. Make sure you scream a lot, just for effect.

- Print out a photo of anyone famous and wear it as a mask.

- Go as a kid with measles. All you have to do is paint red spots on your face, wear pajamas and bunny slippers and carry a coloring book.

- Wear a good suit or fancy dress and paint your face like an animal. It’s very sexy and it can make a big impact without a lot of effort especially if you can draw. Click here for a simple face painting site that demonstrates animal make up.

If you are lucky enough to have some artistic ability, these YouTube videos are a great guide for painting impressive animal masks.

.......or you can just wear a mask.

Has anyone mentioned that you look like someone famous? My husband never realized he looked like a celebrity until he was repeatedly approached by Asian tourists who demanded to be photographed beside him.

Check out the internet for inspiration...search out everyone from philosophers and fashion designers to sports figures and politicians. If you find someone who mildly resembles you, re-style your hair and clothes to match that celebrity or historical figure. Glasses with the right frame can work wonders. Perhaps all you need is a laurel wreath and a toga sheet.

If you look like a famous author, dress like the author’s photo on the book jacket and carry of copy of his or her latest best seller. If you're a dead ringer for Pavarotti, all you need it a tuxedo. Consider the fact that you may need a few weeks to grow a beard.

In any case, you’re sure to find inspiration here on HubPages within the Topics of Education and Science, or Entertainment and Media.

^{_{As a side note, this Hub marks my second year writing for HubPages. I think it’s fitting to give them some credit for hosting such a dynamic platform for writers and to give myself a holiday from writing serious hubs solely aimed at getting better rankings within the notorious Google algorithm.}}

Go to the party as Ms. or Mr. Politically Incorrect. If you’re a woman, wear a leather skirt or dress draped with your grandmother’s sable fur stole. Carry a long cigarette holder with a lit cigarette. If you can find an alligator bag, by all means carry it and stuff it with little jars of foie gras. Ok the cheapest I could find was $7.60 a jar, but you can save money by using cooked chicken livers in plastic containers labeled with Endangered Species instead. Hand them out to the host and to pompous people who need offending.

Politically Incorrect men can wear leather pants or a vest, carry a confederate flag and (if you happen to have one handy) a sawed off shotgun.

Remember your speech and character are also part of your costume so make sure you use words like “disabled”, "oriental", "person of color" and other verbal no-no’s I dare not mention in this article. Don’t forget to eat lots of garlic and cabbage before the party. You may want to wear a small sign or stick-on name tag with your name, Ms. or Mr. Politically Incorrect. It will cut down your chances of getting slapped across the face or being shot with your own shotgun.

There is nothing more terrifying at a Halloween party than a man in drag simply for the sake of it. Yes, it’s an easy “out” for the costume challenged gentleman, but consider taking it a step further. Several famous women border on looking “masculine”, so pick your favorite celeb and make your costume less mundane.

For example, go as Julia Child. All you need is a bad wig, an old house dress from Goodwill or Oxfam, an apron and a rubber chicken. How about Maggie Thatcher? If you have a tweed jacket and sensible shoes you’re halfway there.

Don’t forget the most important part of your costume is your voice. If you are going as a celebrity, be prepared to use the same accent and language you would expect them to use. You’ll never be a believable Julia Child without that cheery falsetto.

If you choose to go for underplaying the whole costume thing, at least try to be somewhat recognizable. Going as a character from last season’s mini-series on Lifetime or Ovation is too abstract and it can ruin your evening. You don’t want keep explaining your costume to people do you? At least wear a sign around your neck.

Try on your costume or makeup before the day of the Halloween party. A costume rehearsal avoids that last minute panic session where you realize your tuxedo doesn’t fit anymore or you can’t find last year’s vampire teeth.

If you are still uninspired by all of the above, just do the unexpected such as wearing something you wouldn’t be caught dead in - like as a suit. At least no one will recognize you.

If after all my savvy suggestions you still can’t face going to a Halloween costume party for fear of coming home to a house covered in eggs and toilet paper, don’t fret. You can still participate in the Halloween spirit.

Stay home. Dress in your oldest clothes. It can’t hurt to burn a few holes in the fabric. Add blobs of red artist’s paint to your shirt so it looks likes dried blood. Mess up your hair with super hold hair gel. Black out a few teeth with tooth wax. Dirty your hands with a burnt cork.

Now you’re all set to greet your neighborhood trick-or-treaters with style. When the doorbell rings, open the door with a maniacal laugh and rub your hands together with perverse anticipation. As you hand out the treats, greet each little ghoul with a big toothy smile. Make sure morbid organ music is heard in the background.

Have fun this season and don’t let any silly holiday obligations ruin your spirits!

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