How to Deal with Negative Feelings

We all go through breakdowns - those unfortunate events that leave us sad, frustrated and just plain miserable. Whether it’s a literal breakdown of machinery (like your car), or a breakdown of communications (like a nasty argument with your spouse), or a devastating life breakdown (like the death of someone close) they all stir up negative feelings that can disrupt our lives. While I’m not able to professionally diagnose symptoms nor cure mental health issues such as anxiety or depression with a few supportive words, there are some practical methods I've used successfully that may also work for you.

Experiencing a significantly distressing event can automatically send you on a 4-course tour of emotions that's not terribly pleasant. Every situation differs and the actions don’t always follow the same order, but basically we all go through Tears, Denial, Anger, and Frustration. The final phase can also leave you with a gray cloud of negative energy that melts into a puddle of depression. In order to dissipate the bad energy, one needs to reach a stage of acceptance and new possibility. That can take a bit of soul searching, chilling out and a lot of ego busting.

At any stage of a breakdown that results in negative feelings it’s healthy to just be aware that you have these feelings. By being aware, I mean looking at it without judgment or guilt. Instead, quietly observe your negative feelings and your reactions to them. This supports your ability to deal with denial, anger and frustration because you are placing yourself outside of yourself; regarding your drama as an observer rather than the victim. This is very powerful since it allows you to step away from the trauma to calm down and become more objective.

You can even have a conversation with yourself about your negative feelings. Play the devil’s advocate by asking yourself why and how you are responsible for the negative energy that surrounds you. If your ego struggles with this, make something up. It can actually be very liberating and after all, no one is listening but you.

Ask others to help you deal with your negative feelings. I’m not suggesting you should rely on others to solve your problems, but close friends and family members can be good listeners and some can provide constructive support. Sometimes, conversations open what I call "idea tangents", or ideas for new and exciting possibilities. By exploring those tangents you move away from the trauma and the drama and often new solutions and courses of action emerge.

Just remember to keep everything cool and in perspective. It’s not a good idea to burden others with your negativity. There’s still a lot of truth in the old song “nobody loves you when you're down and out”, so don’t become a “poor me” person. Your life is, after all, your own and though no man is an island, the healthiest route is to take personal responsibility for your feelings and ultimately your recovery.

Your subconscious is very powerful and it can prove be your greatest ally. When you get past the “poor me” attitude, you’ll find that your inner psyche is able to overcome the most daunting obstacles. You just have to trust in your inner wisdom. The question is how do you tap into it? It’s really very simple. All you need to do is ask yourself for help in getting beyond all the negativity. Some people meditate, asking answers from their higher self, some pray to God and some call upon help from their guardian angels. You’ve nothing to lose except your fear and negative feelings.

Although it seems somewhat passive, you can look at the road (or roads ahead) and imagine the possibilities for something really great to come about as a result of your breakdown. Very often what’s happened is just a necessary bridge towards something really positive. So many breakdowns are actually the seeds for positive new beginnings. Think about how past breakdowns were actually necessary for the better times that followed. All negative energy has something to tell you. All you have to do is to be willing to listen.

Another way is to distract your mind is with physical activity or other mental stimulation. Getting involved in a new exercise, singing in the shower or in the car, walking along a different path, taking in a change of scenery, meeting new people, even eating new or pleasurable foods can give you a jolt towards a more positive direction.

The best medicine for negativity is positive energy, so here are some other Hubs, books, music and links to articles that can give you a positive charge for a change.

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